Saturday, July 19, 2008

Fearless Leader Arrives in Afghanistan

This just in: America's presumptive Democratic president elect has just arrived in Afghanistan. Through the years of his constantly, up to the minute modulations on policy ranging from Presidential negotiations with the equally as charming president of Iran to invading a sovereign policy, this is his first visit to the war torn country.

Critics point out that Obama has adjusted his stance to the war on terror and its two primary fronts from his time as a state senator, to a U.S. senator, to the presidential primaries, and now the general election. Democrats don't see any inconsistency.

"We know what he really thinks," says one Mary P. Artisan, who describes herself as a typical Democratic voter. "He's the most consistently anti-war candidate since John Kerry. Kerry liked to talk about his war record, but we knew it was just used as an insurance policy against which to criticize those in uniform who regularly 'terrorize kids.' Obama doesn't have the military credentials, so he throws those right wingers a bone now and then about how he supports the troops and their mission."

"16 month pullout?!" another self described Obama supporter, Jose Real Istic exclaims. "If he's elected, I should say WHEN he is elected, the few remaining Republicans in Congress will be lucky to get 6, at most." Mr. Istic says he knows electoral politics, and claims he knows the true Obama. "Take a look at his record. The militant testament, err, no pun intended, to his wartime leadership is his former preacher. Come to think of it, that should comfort some. He's still his spiritual mentor, and wow! can he really rail on whitey!"

Republicans are skeptical. "In a word, convenience. That's all it is. 'I had to ask myself one question before going to Afghanistan: will it benefit me?' That's his mantra. 'Will it benefit me?' Sadly, this means I have to vote for John McCain. At least he'll win the war." Those biting words were from a self-described conservative, who was afraid of being ostracized for criticizing the party's nominee, Sen. John McCain. "I was already labeled a racist for opposing open borders, from my candidate! If B. Hussein Obama is elected, I can add "God and gun clinger" to the list."

Experts closely tacking nuanced policy rhetoric expect any shift in policy from Senator Obama this week to be jettisoned in favor of "change" next week.

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