Project Fierce: Rebuilding the American Auto Industry

Intrepid automotive critic and indomitable gear head George J. Notaras has come up with the ultimate plan to save America's automobile industry. Notaras's plan, called Project Fierce, illustrates a number of practical and necessary steps to bring America back to to the top of the automotive heap, such as it is.

Among the items:

• The engineer or engineers that increase horsepower and performance while simultaneously improving economy will win a date with Jessica Alba.
  
• Immediately ban all minivans—the automotive equivalent to stretch pants, which say to the world “I have given up on life and just don’t care anymore.” I would institute an anonymous Minivan for Muffins exchange program.
  
• Immediately discontinue all overlapping, uncompetitive and just plain dated models (i.e. Mercury).
  
• Mandate that all packaging and technology items be under the control of the Apple Computer industrial designers. No exceptions.
  

There are many more suggestions like these, but I heartily encourage you to read them for yourself.

And remember, when Notaras's nomination comes up for America's car czar, be sure to show your support. He's likely the best man President Obama could find for the job. He's not a Democrat, but at least that guarantees that he has paid his taxes.